Are you a good listener? Do you reflect back what you hear and ask for clarification? Do you observe body language and other non-verbal signs of communication? Do you use feeling words to label what you see? (“You seem discouraged. What’s going on?”)
Do you collaborate with your teen by actively pursuing their thoughts and perspectives? -OR- Do you force-feed them solutions forfeiting opportunities to solve problems together?
Are you a teacher or a teller? Are you teaching your son or daughter how to become wise so that they can listen to the “voice inside their head” or are you raising a compliant child who simply follows the various voices “outside their head” such as teachers, parents, and peers?
Do you lovingly correct behavior without placing a negative label on the person? -OR- Do accusations such as lazy, selfish, klutzy, annoying, loud, or loner too easily slip out?
Do you show your son or daughter plenty of physical affection? Hugs and appropriate touch continue to be an important way to express love and reassurance to your growing teen.
Does your son or daughter know what you like about them? Do you offer frequent compliments and verbal affirmations of their skills, effort, and influence?
Do you encourage your son or daughter to try new things and discuss mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow?
Do you actively monitor your children? Do you know where they are and who they are with? Do you take the time to get to know their friends? Do you seek to minimize unsupervised time?
Do you schedule intentional family time such as special meals, activities, or outings? Are you able to eat dinner together most nights?
Are you taking good care of yourself and your relationships? Do you take regular time for rest, relaxation, and connection with your spouse and/or adult friends?
Have you established and maintained a supportive network of extended “family” – those who support you, understand you, and love your children? Family life is too hard to do alone!